I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
