It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
