"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize
