Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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