I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
