; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
