wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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