fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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