Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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