sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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