YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
