Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
