lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
