first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
