I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
