Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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