Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
