I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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