Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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