i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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