so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
