shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
