I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
