Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just pee around me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
