its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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