I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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