I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
