there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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