My first STD was from a foam party
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize