Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
