An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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