I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
