I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
