We won't sleep together?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
