Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my liver is dry heaving
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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