His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
