halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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