So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
