i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
