remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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