ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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