Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
