Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
