His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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