He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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