i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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