so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize