my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
