First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
