Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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