Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
another moral hangover. fuck.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
