im drinking this country out of the recession.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
