We're facebook friends in real life
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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