I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
