Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
