sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
