i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
