The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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