You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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