um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
