I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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