he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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