Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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