Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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