Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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