I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
